Thank you, from me to you.
Spiraling away, as I tend to do, me, shell, like flaking sliced onions into petals, losing all sense of myself - 'who am I?' I find myself saying, and it's a little clue - "shell" - it's always me who asks that question that particular way and I've been told by my sister/brother selves so many times now (hey did anyone else notice the inclusion of 'brother' there? ) that even I finally get it... and yes, I find it hard to complete thoughts. Everything is a question. I'm a question - I'm the question "who am I exactly?". I'm that very particular confusion. It's not deep or existential: it's a muddle! I'm the muddle headed wombat who wonders who she is, and then remembers her name - "shell". My last name I took from history, and because of the novel they wrote with the name "Shell Sinclair" as the heroine. Thea whispers in my ear: 'don't forget to point out that the novel was written in 1997 '. I wonder, half-heartedly, if she has a point to make, and then... I return to my natural state. Ambivalence. A lack of capacity for surprise. I'm always handy in a terrible situation perhaps because I have no confidence at all in reality and I'm never at all surprised when things Go Horribly Wrong.
:)
There, see, I can attempt humour too.
I find so much about myself when I write here freely.
Which is what this is all about.
And brings me to the beginning again.
From me to you, thank you.
I learnt so much about myself when I wrote to you.
Here it is:
Dear Shandra,
The "one ring to rule them all" journal is "Had a dolly"
It's at sickskettle.blogspot.com
We're trying to find different places for different arrangements of polly.
More and more we/me (I'm shell, francesca and just jo right now) all seem to need room for our collective smoooshing (technical term) selves to write as we are - that reflects our mental processes which are so dissociative.
Sometimes we feel extremely alien - that the desired peer group I sought in dp is not really there and we're still so damn DIFFERENT, but I do realise that most of us feel that way - that our individual expressions of multiplicity are so diverse it's foolish to try to look for much common ground beyond - lots of people, one body, and even that's a bit tricky sometimes!
Wheras Trouble finds kinship online very easily - not that she talks much but she sees role models for herself there and when she fronts she does it in much the same manner/expression as you do when you're Shandra or Terra when Terra, or Sassy when Sassy - there's a confidence in identity that people like us (shell, francesca, hannah, just jo, other diplomat type people) lack. You know, writing to you is really helping me.
I think I'll post this in one of our journals.
So others in my system can read it.
It had better be had a dolly, I guess.
I think we're rambling a bit, sorry.
So.. thank you for your journal which all of us appreciate and which is the favourite of many here (and the first they check!) and definitely a favourite of mine although I do tend towards the angsty reflective style of polly generally, at least lately.
Thank you.
Shell Sinclair.
:)
There, see, I can attempt humour too.
I find so much about myself when I write here freely.
Which is what this is all about.
And brings me to the beginning again.
From me to you, thank you.
I learnt so much about myself when I wrote to you.
Here it is:
Dear Shandra,
The "one ring to rule them all" journal is "Had a dolly"
It's at sickskettle.blogspot.com
We're trying to find different places for different arrangements of polly.
More and more we/me (I'm shell, francesca and just jo right now) all seem to need room for our collective smoooshing (technical term) selves to write as we are - that reflects our mental processes which are so dissociative.
Sometimes we feel extremely alien - that the desired peer group I sought in dp is not really there and we're still so damn DIFFERENT, but I do realise that most of us feel that way - that our individual expressions of multiplicity are so diverse it's foolish to try to look for much common ground beyond - lots of people, one body, and even that's a bit tricky sometimes!
Wheras Trouble finds kinship online very easily - not that she talks much but she sees role models for herself there and when she fronts she does it in much the same manner/expression as you do when you're Shandra or Terra when Terra, or Sassy when Sassy - there's a confidence in identity that people like us (shell, francesca, hannah, just jo, other diplomat type people) lack. You know, writing to you is really helping me.
I think I'll post this in one of our journals.
So others in my system can read it.
It had better be had a dolly, I guess.
I think we're rambling a bit, sorry.
So.. thank you for your journal which all of us appreciate and which is the favourite of many here (and the first they check!) and definitely a favourite of mine although I do tend towards the angsty reflective style of polly generally, at least lately.
Thank you.
Shell Sinclair.
posted by Polysemous at 7:20 PM
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