Not falling apart.

My life isn't falling apart.
It just ~feels~ like it.

Pain is a test I'm failing.

The whole world's at tricks.

You can read the post that was here at Tricks of Memory. If you'd like to.

We're trying to distinguish Tricks and Had a dolly from each other. Just part of our ongoing project to give all of us a space to write in which we feel comfortable. Foolish time-wasting? Probably.

Thank you. In point form.

Here's some good news in point form from Had a Dolly HQ.

• Our knee is feeling much better. We have physiotherapy at the Bigsplat Hospital tomorrow and then probably a swim, followed by lunch at a favourite place Basaltica which is out on a pretty road out of Bigsplat and maybe a bit of shopping. There is Birthday Money to buy a pretty top with.
  
• Writing this huge report for Trouble about how impossible it all is has been really helpful. It seems solvable now.
• Nadia is buying us (birthday gift) a ticket for a dance workshop this Saturday.
• Someone thinks we're pretty. We can just tell. It's nice.
  
• There's been some really nice comments on our jourals.
• We really appreciate it.
• Thank you.

Really.
*beams*

Little discontentments.

We're worrying a bit about work, and Trouble. The board meeting was awful. Our knee is much better today than it was yesterday, but it was ~awful~ yesterday. We're doing okay. Angelata's been having a hard time with Gray but you know, that's not new.

We're okay.
Given what we've been going through lately, we're doing okay.

Angelata & Gray, awkward as usual.

Trouble flaps about like a dinner party hostess.
Angelata can't say anything straight. It's always got a twist.
Gray can't ever refuse the bait.
They take two seconds in each other's company before it's on.
How are these two ever going to be okay?

It's Calypso.

It's Calypso.
That's who draws people to us who aren't right for us.
:/
How do we untangle this?

Grin too widely and make nervous jokes.

Following my nose I found a website that must be run by some or one of the Army and that made me happy because:

1. We like them a lot.
2. They seem to be doing okay.

(note: I've disabled the comments on this one.)

I miss Zaphod's Other Head. I think it sucks that we can't (yet) fix it. I think it sucks that it imploded one too many times and that it is now a shadow of its former self and that everyone (me too) there grins too widely and makes nervous jokes. I still think that's admirable under the circumstances. To grin too widely and make nervous jokes. It's sometimes all we can do.

I don't know for sure. I think that's okay.

Trouble is, we like it.

All us angsty, moody, brooding, pedantic, intellectual, arrogant and alienating castle types have been sternly told off by Trouble. The trouble is, of course, that we like it. She is right about everything. Everything. I surrender. Do you?

Oh god yes, we too are fools.

She took us to hospital again. Dealt with all the physiotherapy pain. Then we went swimming in the new (heated, hooray) pool at Bigsplat. First laps since Marulla Swimming Pool, on banks of the mighty Big River, were Trouble was ('the biggest kid in the pool' and) making her first forays in 'the world'; working as a waitress at The Palace, and teaching (with Calypso) bellydance at Red Bush Island.

The hinchinbrook girls liked the time travel deep blue. The way we connect to every other time we've swum to that blue. They like the water too, though it's not the sea.

Calypso and Trouble did the hydrotherapy exercises - lots of movements impossible in air are possible in water, they found. They were beaming the whole time. Trouble bought ten passes. We kept quiet all day. She did just fine without us.

More knee.

It hurts. It's scary. It makes me cry.
What if I can't dance again?
(said Calypso)
Physiotherapy tomorrow.
(said Trouble)