We avoided calling a really good friend of ours when we visited Hometown, our beautiful friend Doctor Josephine. Long time readers may recall her visit to The Mountain - do I have any long time readers here? She's dear to us, but we were feeling so stretched and for us, and maybe, you too, social contact, relationships - it's all work. It's never fun, it's never easy. It's always work. We don't ~get~ anything from social contact in terms of energy.
There's nobody we feel drawn to because they make us feel good or something. That just doesn't happen for us. When we are tired or anxious or depressed 'people' are even harder than usual. So why don't we live in a mountain cave? Well, I don't know. Love?
There's people here we're avoiding, too. Conflicts we don't want to get involved in, and fear. We're feeling so fragile right now. So many of us. And the things we really want to talk about are all so volatile.
Even though,
I'm shell, overall, I think we're going through a really bad time, I am really glad about the way we (as polly) seem to be dealing with each other. We've made so much progress there. I think we do really well there now. It was weird how supportive we all were of each other on our trip away. That was good. Partly because nobody really can act like they're the only one here any more. It just doesn't fly. It isn't convincing anyone, and to do it, you need to believe it. I can't believe I did it! I did it. Last of us. I'm surprised at myself, looking back. I couldn't do it now. I don't think anyone of us could now, now we seem to truly know. That's got to be worth something - so many of us, and we're knitting ourselves a little loyalty at last.
