... who was sick, sick, sick.

..it was only in appearance that I sat alone; my own thoughts could not withstand the torrent of words on which for hours past I had let myself be carried along: I went on turning out words and sentences which might have impressed...; to make the game more enjoyable, I even played the parts of the absent others, asking myself fictitious questions so designed that, in answering them, I could show off the brilliance of my banter. Silent as it was, this exercise was a real conversation and not a form of reflection; my solitude was a mental drawing room scene, in which imaginary interlocutors and not myself were in charge of my speech...
(In the Shadow of Young Girls in Flower by Marcel Proust)

Aging.

I was eight years old when they put me away and I stopped growing. Then it was 2002. That makes me sixteen in life experience, although I have packed a lot in. Living in house full of passionate and articulate siblings and guests broadcasting their intimate thoughts and fantasies and emotional states. Our house is so wild and rambling and even I don't know everyone, every now and then a guest will arrive who fits in well or seems to, and it takes years to realise they didn't actually come with anyone. Sometimes they don't even know where they're from or that they are a guest, and have just assumed someone's room to be theirs. All fine until a return event, when a lot of "But that is MY room." goes on and doors are slammed. We're more careful about that now, but we are beginning to realise a few things. One thing, this house we live in, we did not build.

We are not the first people to live here. We did not make it.

Genetrix bag of tricks.

We wait. One in four chance that we have the mutation... soon (February? March? April?) our statistics will change we will have a one in a million chance of having the mutation or we will have a one in two chance of having the mutation.

Note: Nothing will actually change. We actually already have it ... or not.


Other than that our blood tests came back with extra gold stars for fabulousness.

We are 0 positive as we suspected, and our thyroid function is perfect,
our cholesterol is very low and in the right ratio and our sugar balance is perfect.

There's just a couple of other blood tests I'm interested in.

Stage fright.

Stage fright, yes, I have pills for that.

Genetrix fills my glory box with wedding rice and science gives me a useless foreshadowing.

Useless to know there's no cure for death, and nevertheless there's a waiting list.

Life runs on irony.

So many types of sick, sick, sick.

After all these years, and all this work, to be so mortal and have achieved so little.

We heart Max.

The main focus of our attention has been United States of Tara, the incredible opportunity is has given us to continue on our program (heh) of coming out.

This event has been overwhelming in many ways, expanding our ideas about what might be possible in terms of our goal to live in this world with honesty.

Still a problem.

Time doesn't help much.